Struggles, Those too shall pass

Lately a lot of things have been happening in my life. God granted me the privilege of getting to know a wonderful person, He opened a door towards a job for me (working since nov 22.) and now He opened a door towards a new job (starting between feb. 1 and apr. 1) and He is also giving me the peace about finding a job as an actual pilot in the (near) future..

Besides that God blesses me with the fact that recently I turned 21 and I had a wonderful time with dear friends and family, and also the fact that I am stepping out in church more, as a worship leader, coordinator of the worship group.

Last sunday, I had the privilege of leading the church in worship.
For me this started about 2 weeks before the actual sunday when I started to figure out what songs would be nice to use in the service. After concentrating on that a list appeared with about 12 songs, which seem to be randomly chosen. But while preparing for the rehearsal on monday, ideas and ‘visions’ started floating through my head, which gave the idea that the songs are chosen well, but not sure yet in what way..

Tuesday evening, rehearsal time.. Next day, received a text message with the question what my idea was about the evening.. Answer? Well, it was a bit (actually quite) messy, didn’t gave me the satisfaction in my ‘vision’ I would like to have after the ‘final call’ before the service.. But I trust that God will put it all in place and order on sunday..

And so the week continues.. Working, sleeping, watching tv etc. Oh, wait.. I have to make some time to think about the service.. So I do.. I check what scriptures are linked to the songs I chose and what I could do with them.. Which are encouraging? Challenging maybe? In the end I have this list of 4 or 5 passages..
Well, this isn’t really satisfactory either.. Is this enough? Shouldn’t I have more choice? My hopes and expectations about coming sunday aren’t exactly rising..

And here comes thursday night. Had a nice phonecall and some encouraging words during that call.. I needed that and my hope in the coming service is lifted a bit..

Then, sunday morning comes and it passes with some awkward moments during ‘my’ service.. But I step over them and besides that, this is only the fourth time I’m standing there, up front, where everybody can see you.. (I can see that I like being behind the drumkit more, but that this is a really good thing for me to do.. Standing and speaking in front of a crowd.. (and in the end I do enjoy it!))
After the sermon things don’t really go as planned.. The preacher chooses a song to sing, which I actually think is nice he does that because it: a. was a nice song, and b. it leads to worship again and not so much towards the end of the service.

After that we play 2 more songs and it all is done.. I thank the musicians for backing me up and I grab my stuff.. It was a nice service although I didn’t use all of my ‘visions’ in it. But then it comes to me that again I feel this unsatisfied feeling, which seems to be pulling my sleeve, like a kid would when it wants attention from mom or dad.. I strugle with it for a short moment and then I accept it.. It will pass, won’t it?

Walking into the church hall, stopping by some friends of mine to talk with them, I get the first responses to the service. People say it was a nice service and a beautiful time of worship. One woman steps towards me and asks me what scriptures it were that I quoted during a song. Quite astonished by the question, I answer that I have to check in my bag for the paper on which I wrote them. I tell her what scriptures I used and she thanks me again for using those beautiful passages and for the good time of worship I leaded the church in.
Before I leave church I receive some more encouragements and thanks for the time of praise and worship I lead the church in.

Somehow it all works out the way God wants.. My prayers before the worship service mostly were that I asked God to speak to people during the worship, touching their hearts and that they would be blessed by it all. Even though I had the feeling that it wasn’t what I expected and that I couldn’t give myself fully in the worship songs (which probably came forth from the awkward moments) and therefore didn’t have the satisfied feeling which I expected, God touched peoples heart and did speak to them.

Sometimes, when you doubt if what you are doing is really what you should be doing, God will speak to you through people to confirm that you are in the right spot. This is a very subtle but powerful way in which God speaks. These things are subtle and you can easily put them aside by thinking that the people telling you those things are just ‘being polite’ or ‘trying to be nice’. Actually almost every person of ‘importance’ in the bible struggled with these things. God uses you if you are willing to be used and He will help you in the things that come your way.

This is a video from a song we sang during the service. Ofcourse we used the dutch lyrics, but this is the original German version.

Comment if you like,
God bless you.

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